so she says goodbye
2007-06-02, 10:12 p.m.

One mistake two years ago. I’m an inch away from making the same mistake. It’s like I’m free falling in empty space. With nothing to hold and grab on to. Like I have lost control of everything that I could possibly do. I have no idea what to do anymore. Everything seems like a jumbled mess. No head, no tail.

Sometimes I feel like a desperate little kid. Standing on one side of the bank. While on the opposite bank, there is this lollipop/sweet the the little kid really really wants. But impossible to get to cause of the river/gulf in between both banks. And the little kid really really wants the sweet, trying to find all ways and means possible. Trying to build a bridge but walking halfway across, the bridge breaks off and when it collapses it takes some of the bank along with it, widening the gulf. The little kid falls into the water. Unable to swim, bobbing along with the current for sometime. Almost drowning, but washed up ashore by the current which never flows the other way. Back to the shore which is further away then before. Trying to build another bridge again and again. Getting harder each time. Falling in everytime and going back to the same shore which is getting increasingly further. Wanting to give up time and again, but living in self denial that maybe perseverance would pay off. Asking her mummy why she can’t reach or get to the lollipop, and her mummy giving her the same reply everytime. That sometimes in life, no matter how hard you try something that is not meant to be yours will never be yours. Even perseverance won’t pay off in these situations. So the little kid decides to give one last shot. But not surprisingly, the same thing happens. So she sits on her side of the bank. Just contented with gazing wistfully at the lollipop, accepting the fact that it is out of reach. But still hopeful that one day she would get to it.

What a sad entry. I feel sad now. I should write a storybook. I would have many stories to tell.

wonderful - memories