fool
2007-06-15, 10:09 p.m.

i am going to stop riding my racing bike. at least until nationals is over. For the first time i realise how dangerous it is. falling down is one thing. but cycling blindly is another. on the road. beside the cars. the engines roaring beside you. oblivious to what is behind you, not wanting to turn around. every corner a risk. every lane that branches out another risk. looking back i realise i could have been knocked down. and i would have been asking for it. but it doesnt matter so much. life is so short anyway. what difference is 1 month, 1 year, 10 years, 18 years, 30 years, 50 years or 80 years. if you place your time spent on earth relative to how long the earth has been in existence. you are insignificant. minute. not worth the bother. you could be great, you could be wonderful, but in the end, it ends. your name could go down in history, you could be a hero. people will remember your name. but they will never know you. you could make a big difference now, but millions of years from now, it is highly likely it will not matter. so why bother.

why bother doing something you don't usually do. if you do what past experience has taught you, less chances of you making a mistake. if you dont know how to walk, you have to learn. if you dont know how to read, you have to learn. whatever you don't know, must be learned. i now know how to give up.

Time. How important it is. how big a part it plays in my life. yet i underestimate it TIME and TIME again. timetrials. perfect timing, good timing, bad timing. short of time. Time. my last resort. the only thing i have left to get me by.

Life plays cruel jokes. So far, two times. A third is coming. Maybe it will be over after that. I never see what's right in front of me. Then opportunities pass me by. I wait and continue to wait. Thinking nature will always take its course. Then when it's all over. i always want what i can't have. what a fucking idiot.

it was a nice day today. it rained. then the sun shined. then i had tuition. then i cycled to macritchie. then i cycled home and i realised i almost died. fuck.

wonderful - memories