one more chance tonight
2007-06-30, 7:10 p.m.

Memories mean so much. you lock them away in your heart and sometimes you just never think of them again. but here and there, you leave pieces behind, pieces that sometimes act like keys. When you chance upon them, they unlock the gateway to a thousand memories, the emotions and wonder when you were living in those moments. The exhilaration of times past that could never come back again.
don't say you didn't love me back, cause you know you did.
happy memories you shared with friends you were once close to, but lost contact with much to your regret. sad moments that have left an imprint on you, a lesson to learn. joyful entertaining moments that make you laugh and smile everytime you think of them.
no you didn't mean to love me back, but you did.
today my mum cleared my room, much to my horror. And i found out she flipped through my items cause i found things in books they weren't initially in and other books were kept in my cupboards. so many small pieces of paper, items i had left lying around were gone. i have no idea what they are cause i just left them there. I was so angry and upset. the first thought that came to mind was invasion of privacy, intrusion of my personal space. but as i was taking my bath, i realised it wasn't those things i was unhappy about. it was always only ever about the memories. the small items, notes, postcards, 'useless' things she had thrown away were the keys to the memories i had locked away. memories i have no access to without these keys. memories i now only know i have but no matter how hard i try to think about them, they will never resurface again.

on this very day, i realised when she threw all those things away, i didn't lose notes or pieces of paper, but i lost thousands of memories. and my mum has never understood why i would always get so angry when she throws my things away.

i love the past, i can't say i like the present, but i try to stay clear of the future(which is not possible). security in the past, stability in knowing that the things you did before made you happy. i love chancing across the notes and postcards i leave lying around and then reading them and thinking back to the past. remembering the fun i had back then. living again in those moments where nothing could go wrong. smiling to myself as the thoughts swim through my mind. but returning to the present is always a jolt. then i'll waste a few more seconds hanging on and then trying to get my mind back to the present. the future is a torture. i was never good at moving on. if given the chance, i'm pretty sure i could sit in the same spot for one whole day, just thinking about the past. i love dreaming too. dreaming at night. so many things can happen that will not happen in real life. broken things can be mended. wounds can be healed. everything is picture perfect for those wonderful moments. if given the choice, i never want to wake from my sleep, if only for the reason that i can carrying on dreaming.

wonderful - memories