I didn't go to school!
2007-07-18, 9:09 a.m.

I should be in school. But i'm just not up to it and anyway, no lessons today. I guess i needed more time to myself, to reflect and to think about what has been going on so far. and maybe catch up with some work.

I think i should just give in, i'm so tired of fighting this feeling. Let my body and mind take control. Drift away to a state of nothingness. Time will do it's job. Maybe if i didn't try so hard to forget, it will come easier to me. Maybe if i don't force myself, it will come more naturally. Don't want to care what happens anymore anyway, its not worth my time and effort anyway. But that would be forcing it.

Everyday seems to pass so fast and yet so slowly. So many things i want to get rid off, but i can't bear to. What's holding me back is beyond me, i have no idea anymore. So many hours have gone to complete and utter waste. It's ridiculous. But at that time, i never knew.

Still remember a dream i had months back. I woke up smiling, but then i realised it was but a dream. I hate this feeling of being pulled back from an imaginary high, down to earth again. I rather just cruise along without knowing the feeling of being happy.

ok after much reflection, i have come to a conclusion. I am a big fat liar. This sentence does not warrant further explanation. And now happiness and laughter is my cure drug. But i have a different addiction.

wonderful - memories