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2007-12-31, 8:38 a.m.

31st december.

Feels like any other day. As will tomorrow. No difference no excitment. Just mundane boredom. Today is the day for reflections about the year that has just passed me by. I should put some serious thought into it.

2007, I'm not sure what I would mean if I said I wish it could have been better. Better is too vague, so many directions it could have taken, which one of them would have ended up being the better one. It's subjective. Not to the person, but to the moment in which the future could have swung either way. Had things turned out differently, I wouldn't have ended where I am right now. Would that qualify as better? That I'm not sure. Cause I think as far as things can get, I'm pretty satisfied and contented with what I have. Only a few minor tweaks and changes I would like to make, but I shouldn't ask for so much. One wish though, that my parents will just leave me alone. In material terms, I have more than I could ask for. Sure, I love luxury items, but I don't need them, so if I have them, then good for me and I should just be contented.

And she says being content is not always good. She says I should want more with my life. I don't agree, yet I know what she means.

I'm really happy that I finally managed to balance things out. Too much of one thing is not advisable even though I know feel like I'm neglecting my team. I used to spend every moment with them whenever I could, but now I have to let my other priorities take first place. Team activities are great, and I wish I could go for more trainings, but the way I see it, I'm not going to be allowed to train anymore. And it's at time like this I feel like beating the crap out of... But anyway, I'm just glad that after 4 years, we still have that friendship. I know we are still searching for a day to go out, and it's going to get harder, now that everyone of us are going to have to find jobs, but we're still friends. I know that we might not be as close as we used to be back in IP1, but this is a good start. Let's just hang at someone's house, order a pizza, watch a movie and just slack. That would be fun.

I should have studied harder. I really should have, but somehow I could never find it in me to study more than I train. Wrong attitude, I should study as much as I train, but somehow it's always been a give and take. If I want to study and do well, I can kiss goodbye to my nationals gold. Balancing was never really my strong point I guess. Maybe I really go to extremes. Oh well. But for what it's worth, I did get my nationals gold with my partner. But somehow I felt so much prouder of char and jas when they won their gold. Maybe it was the nature of their competition, seemed like they had all the strong boats in their race, and shorter distance too, harder to fight for the top. But they did it, we all did it and we did it well. It's been a few years since we took all the events but one. We set our mark in history, this is our legacy. Now all I need to do is hope I do well for A levels. I can't change what I didn't do anymore.

Which brings me to regret. If I wanted to regret, I would regret not studying harder for prelims, or for common test and maybe for A levels. But the only exam I would never regret would be my common test 1, I did well, by my terms. No point comparing with other people, I'll just demoralize myself. I'm sure I could find a few other things I could regret about this year, but I don't want to think so hard. So if I have to think so much, then of course I don't really regret it. Well just one more then. I wish things might have turned out better, less animosity. Then I wouldn't have tried to escape, and I wouldn't have to fight to stay now.

I like 2007, of course there is the good and the bad, but I learnt alot of things about myself I never knew before. I shan't assume I know myself very well anymore. I should embark on a journey of self discovery. But I think I'll bore myself to death anyway. Luck. Lucky. Unlucky. I hate being unlucky, but who am I to complain now. But luck swings whichever way it wants to and I think it did so quite a few times this year. Still, it's a great improvement from 2006. Close to the end of the year, I lost so many things, but then after that I started getting luckier. Ok that's just psychological.

Ok end of reflections, how brief. I only touched the surface, but why bother going deeper. That's just for me to know. Of course.

5 days straight. I have already set a new personal record. I need to announce it haha! But then again, it's not a bad thing. In fact it's great fun. Subconscious and reality are starting to blend.

wonderful - memories