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2008-01-03, 10:26 p.m.

Oh. A million things running through my mind. Shouldn't be happening. Thinking shouldn't be so difficult. Making decisions shouldn't be so hard. They shouldn't defy logic. I did something just for kicks today. Too bad I didn't get much kick out of doing it. Damn.

I have a resolution to add to my list.
8. Have more self confidence. Don't think so lowly of myself.

Ok now that's been said and done, I shall try to put it into action. Good luck to me. Such a loser ha..

I don't want to fall sick. I shall do everything in my power to prevent such a tragedy. And I really need to find a job, though I don't think I should take up the telemarketing job. Too many uncertainties, too many things left hanging. I shall try again tomorrow. Seems like there is an available one near my home, I could save so much on transport. And I'll be near home. Though why I want to work is to be as far away from my house as possible. Hopefully they hire me then, but of course they should, I stay so near! haha. I can walk there in less than 5 minutes. That's the extent of how ridiculously near it is, well saying of course the job is there. But that's only the place of the interview, still, one can hope haha.

Weird, when I think of the future, there are so many 'what ifs' and I'm scared that.. I'm scared of what might spin out of my control. To think I used to know where I was headed.

Maybe you don't realise how much you mean to me. Since that very day I summoned all the courage I had, took that step forward and never looked back after that. Maybe I never told you enough. Maybe I joke too much. Or maybe I'm just scared of what I've always feared. Or maybe you don't believe me when I say so, but you should. Believe me when I'm being serious, or I'll just turn it into a joke again. You know, I never expected a reply that day, much less anything more.

Now that's how low my confidence sank to. haha. But it did get better eventually. Now I'm just cruising along, building it up.

Yea it's you. You. But of course you know that already. haha. I mean it whenever I say it. I won't say it otherwise. Only more, never less. Everyday.

Do I mean as much to you as you mean to me? Do I make you smile? Do I make you laugh? Do I make you as happy as you make me?

I'm starting to ramble. Wonder why I'm still online so late. To chat? That's just passing my time. Maybe I'm waiting, hoping you'll come back on. But then, why should you. So, I should go to bed soon. I don't want to wake up too late tomorrow. I should make full use of every second. No wasting time anymore. Yea right, I live for wasting time.

I've made up my mind this time
I'm gonna break through all these chains
I'm willing to risk it all
To take the fall
Cause nothing's gonna stop us now
I'll be there through good and bad
Through every step along the way
And no one can break the spell
Oh I can tell
Nothing's gonna stop us now

wonderful - memories