-
2008-02-26, 9:08 a.m.

It's a really lonely feeling when you long to see someone but you know you have to wait. And the longing is eating into me.

I need you like a heart needs a beat.
It's nothing new

I'm needing you too much. And I know I need to stop wanting to see you all the time. But maybe the 12 days left me wanting more. Too bad we couldn't make it 13. My favourite number haha.

I'm sorry for sounding so terrible over sms the past two days. I sank so low I didn't know it was possible. But it's not your fault. Just a combination of factors all at the wrong timing. And then I couldn't pull myself out of it. I tried, but I just couldnt.

I love you so much. But I'm so scared of falling any deeper, but I can't help myself. I never needed anyone as much as I need you. No one made me feel so happy just by looking at them. No one ever gave me the urge to smile when I looked at them. I could remain pissed and angry at others for a long time even if they were next to me. But when I'm with you, you just look at me, touch me and everything ceases to exist. Every other emotion just washes away. I've never experienced this before. And maybe that's why I'm scared of what's happening to me. The control you have over me without having to say anything.

And it's not you that makes me unable to go out with my friends. It really is my own choice. It's a toss up between spending time with you and my friends. And I always choose you, not because it's an obligation. But because you mean so much more to me. Just that I feel bad when I turn them down, not once or twice but multiple times. If I see them once, I won't have to meet them again for maybe 1-2 weeks or so. But if I don't see you for one day, I get really uncomfortable. I start missing you once I walk off after spending the day with you. So it's just that.

But you do know that I've always loved you, still love you and will always love you no matter what right? I hope you do, but I'll tell you anyway. I really do.

wonderful - memories