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2008-03-01, 10:40 p.m.

Never ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. It's a winner. As I fool myself into believing what I want to believe, making excuses for what I pretend isn't there. My lies are confusing me. But yet they amuse me too. I'm so scared of them, yet I get a kick out of it. But I should stop bluffing my workplace, it's getting costly. haha.

And there was so much I wanted to blog about, yet I've forgotten everything I wanted to say.

Oh yea, first offer of admission to penn state university. There was this really weird feeling I got when I opened the letter. I was happy cause at least there is one offer so I don't feel as dumb as I always think myself to be. But I knew I didn't want to go overseas. So another part of me didn't really care. But I also felt a little sense of excitment cause watching the OC and seeing how some of them received letters when they were going off to university, I always wanted that from a university. Maybe I just like to feel wanted by schools, to give me a boost of confidence and assure me my IQ is not as low as I believe it is. I want a letter like that from NUS. Faster send me one please. Ok I must apply first, after I get my results. Which is something I wish I could prolong.

But whatever it is, I'm staying, if my heart's not in it, there is no point going. I won't have fun, I'll be miserable. And I'm happy here. With you.

wonderful - memories